Testimonies: "How I came
(This web page consists mainly of testimonies of the Salvation
Lord, contributed by our Brothers and Sisters in Christ. Feel free to
me your own Testimony to be added. PJR)
How I came to know Jesus
My Personal Testimony`
My name is Gerri, I came to the lord after
Salvation: delieverance from danger and difficulty.
I was born into sin, although a young child
I do forgive Adam and Eve for causing sin to
A hand reached in to tell me ever so gently
that He loved
me. I cried,
Tears run down my face now, as I marvel at
That, I have this chance to tell others about
know without a
Be willing ... Give God a chance!
I am a 19 year old female. This is my story...
... My parents got divorced when I was 2
and a half
years old. My
My father used to hit my mother and I can
She met a wonderful man and they were married
At the age of 16 years old I was raped by
I did a turn for the worst after that and
We used to fight quite often, but because i
At age 18 i fell pregnant with his
child. He did
not believe at
i was suicidle, on the verge of a nervous
Every time i went to church, it seemed, as if
A heavy burdon was lifted off my shoulders and
i was made
God Bless and Keep you all.
this is just in short, i could go on for hours
In view of a recent excursion into the shadow
I had originally come to the Lord circa 1982,
but I was
found wanting in
At any rate, I was taken up in sin greatly
1986- 1996 decade. I
I was caught in sin, and devilish carnality
had hold of
me to the extent
At Christmas, 1995 my wife bought me an
A few days later in March 1996, I was coming
from a trip on my job
The very next weekend I just "knew" I had to
get to church!
I found a
When I jumped into the car on the way home
from that service,
I only drove
Thus began a new day and a new way for me! My
not a shadow of what
Jer 31: 18. I have surely heard LARRY
thus; Thou hast
19. Surely after that I was turned, I
repented; and after
that I was
Thanks for reading this.....
Delivered from the Hurt of Abuse and the Scars of Sin
My Testimony of God’s Amazing Grace
By: Shelia Holcomb
Before I begin my testimony I feel it is important to give you some information on my childhood, so you will be better able to understand some of the decisions I made in my life, however stupid they may have been. But every decision I have made during my lifetime good or bad is what has brought me to where I am now and I am very thankful for the mountains and the valleys.
When I was born my mother was only fifteen years old and now years later and after I went through the process of forgiving her and working through many things, I am now able to look at her life through her eyes to try to better understand how she must have felt. Someone gave me this advice when I was really struggling with all of this, I was told that maybe I could forgive easier if I try to see her life through her eyes and not the eyes of a hurt child, you know what, it worked, I can understand her more clearly now. She was not mature enough to take care of herself much less a baby. So she would send me here and there to whomever would willing to take me at that particular time, most of the time it was my grandmother, several times throughout my life she would decide that she wanted me back and she would come and uproot me again. I never really knew any stability in my life and I always felt as if no one really loved me or wanted me.
Then at the age of nine she came and got me and took me away from my grandmother which, really at this point of my life, was the only mother I had ever known and I was very attached to her. Anyway, my mother came and took me to Illinois where she lived, by this time she had remarried and she had two more children by her new husband. He hated me and the only reason I could figure out was simply that I was not his child. Now this was not my fault, although I did blame myself for many years. He started just physically abusing me, but at the age of nine that changed, he raped me and this abuse went on until I was thirteen and I finally told my mother, she didn’t believe me, actually no one believed me. Finally I just let it drop and I buried all of those feelings of anger and hate for years, that has now all been dealt with and forgiven and now it is all under the precious blood of Jesus, Praise God. I told my mother that I wanted to go back to Memphis to live with my grandmother and she consented just because she felt I was causing so much trouble and she did not want to be bothered.
Now my grandmother was now also remarried and I resented him for taking her away from me too. You must remember I was only a child and I felt like she was all I had and now I had lost her too. I was very hateful to him and caused so many problems, he was very kind and loving to me but I just could not accept what he was offering to me. My grandmother finally after a long struggle went to the courts and told the judge that I was out of control and they just could not handle me any longer, so they removed me and placed me in a foster home, the home I went to was wonderful, but at that time I could not see things clearly, all I could see was that the only person who should love me had now turned her back on me as well, I just wanted my grandmother so, I ran away. The courts then really called my bluff, so as a ward of the State of Tennessee I was placed in a Catholic all girls reform school for three and a half years. Now as I look back, I can honestly say it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. But at that time all I could see was that I was totally alone, unloved and unwanted in this great big world.
Now I will jump ahead some. In 1987 I lost my three children to their father and I totally lost it. I turned heavily to alcohol and eventually that turned into crack and cocaine. By this time I had lost everything including my dignity as I had turned to prostitution to support my drug habit. I was arrested several times on various charges, but I was never convicted and I never served any time, I know that God was taking care of me even back them in my sin, He saw what I would be one day in Him. I give GOD all the PRAISE, HONOR AND GLORY for all that I am today and all that I will be.
The drugs and my roaming had taken me to many places but on December 20, 1990 I came across a man that told me about Jesus and how He could deliver me and make my life an example to others. I had not eaten in a couple of days and he asked me if I was hungry, so he took me to a restaurant and bought me something to eat. The entire time he shared about Jesus Christ with me. He told me Christ could and would set me free if I was willing, and how He (Jesus), would give me a new life without all the pain and turmoil I was living in. Of course being a Christian does not eliminate us from pain, trials and tribulation but with Christ in our hearts He will give us the strength to overcome and withstand even in the worst times. I began sharing my life story with this man and he still said Jesus is the answer, and boy was he right. Right there I gave my heart to the Lord and I decided to live for Him and serve Him for the rest of my life.
I had been singing for many years and I had destroyed my voice through drug abuse, I just abused the gifts that God had given me. So I prayed and told the Lord that if He would heal and restore my voice I would use this gift for His glory for the rest of my life. Now, God has done exceedingly and abundantly above all that I could ask or think. The songs that I sing and others that I have written they are all His I am only an instrument holding the pen. It does not matter where you are, Christ will come to you and meet you if, you are willing to let your life go and let Him be God of and in your life.
I have had so many miracles in my Christian life as I am a walking miracle myself. One of these miracles really stands out to me and I would like to share this with you as well. About four or five years ago I was diagnosed with an incurable bowel condition, the doctors were not real sure what it was exactly, but they had come to the conclusion that with ulcers all through my body and many in my bowel system, they said they wanted to do surgery and remove some of the bowel. My reply was that I wanted to get prayer for this and that I believed that God was going to heal me and I will not need the surgery at all. They went ahead and scheduled me for another scope the following week, just a few days after Christmas. Then on Christmas Eve I placed a long distance call to a minister friend of mine and asked him to pray for me, he said no problem but he would need to call me back in a few minutes. While waiting for him to call back I got about ten bibles and placed them opened on the floor in a circle and one opened in the middle of the circle. When he called me back I knelt on the bible in the middle and said, “pray”. When he prayed for me the fire of God hit me and went through me, I had such a peace come over me. I went over to my bed and fell asleep (now Adam was put into a deep sleep in Genesis when God removed the rib to create woman) God did the same for me as I lay there sleeping He performed surgery on me to heal my body. I slept for seventeen hours and when I woke the bleeding had stopped and so had the pain, I knew without a doubt that I was healed by the precious hand of the Master. I was on about $400.00 worth of medicine a month and I went into the kitchen and threw it all in the trash. I did go back for the scope when I was scheduled and the doctors were amazed there were no ulcers anywhere and I just praised God for His healing power.
I am now an ordained minister and I am married to a wonderful man who is also a minister. We know God has put us together for a ministry and we are enjoying serving the Lord together. I am now a southern gospel singer\songwriter. The Lord has blessed me and I will continue on this road He has placed me on for my desire is only to serve Him. I will travel anywhere I am invited to give my testimony or to sing or both. God is wonderful and it is to His glory that I am writing this, if one soul is reached in any way then this is worth everything.
Again I cannot stress enough that this is for the glory of God that I am here and that my life is what it is today, for without Christ we are nothing, but through Him we are joint heirs with Him. He is our Deliverer, Savior, Helper, and Healer and any problem we may have is never to great for Him to help us, we just have to take it to Him and leave it at His feet and in His care. I thank God for His power is still healing, still saving and still delivering. He is good all the time. I have made my mistakes but His grace is sufficient. God loves us and if we truly repent and confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
If we can help anyone out there, please contact us at the information provided below and we will do our best to help in any way we can. If you have questions about loved ones who may be on drugs or other addictions we will try to answer your questions, if we do not know we will do our best to find the answer for you. If you have loved ones that you need prayer for we will gladly join you in agreeing for that person for the Kingdom. Please always remember we are human and we will make mistakes but just confess to God those mistakes and get them under the blood of Jesus as soon as possible, God still loves us and He will help us in all of our situations. So many have asked me about my children, they are all very close to me now even though they live far from me, my oldest daughter is in canada with her husband and their son, my baby girl is in memphis tenn, and she has two little girls that are beautiful and my son is in miss. with his wife and they have a son and another one on the way, my husband and I also have several adopted children and one lives here in texas by us and plans to marry she does have a 6 year old son who keeps us all on our toes. I just wanted to let everyone know that when God restores He does a great job.
GOD BLESS AND KEEP YOU ALL. I GIVE FULL
TO ANYONE WHO CAN USE THIS TESTIMONY TO COPY IT AND GIVE IT OUT OR TO
IT PUBLICALLY, BUT PLEASE GIVE ALL THE GLORY AND PRAISE TO GOD.
WE ARE YOUR BROTHER AND SISTER IN CHRIST JESUS.
" Do you think you will get saved tonight? "
asked me but I just
(Romans 8:35-39 KJV)
I got an invitation to join Joshua Ministries yesterday. I dont know how he got my email address but I was excited and thats why I am here. I did not get chance to reply yesterday but today I am sharing my heart with all of you.
I am always excited to meet more members of our big family. We are all children of our Father in Heaven. We all are here simply because we all love Jesus. Its not any more about us but its all about Jesus and what He did for us.
We can only please our Father if we love one another and others around us. Thats what our Father wants. LOVE comes first.
But in order to love a person you got to know that person first. So I will make all my effort to tell you all about me. And I expect the same from all of you here. I am hoping to knowing all of you in the future and work and help each other to further the kingdom of our Father.
So far I have read those written by Carla Lacoretti, Shirley Lise and Kathleen's prayer request. I think they are all awesome. Praise God! Hoping to know you all in the future.
I have a testimony written out. Its a bit long but thought that would be a good way to start a conversation or tell about myself. It also tells about my VISION and where I stand now. I hope everybody will make some time to read it. Would love to hear from all of you.
Finally I got done with a draft of my testimony. I could not get into the details like I wanted to. And I think it would be lot longer if I had the skills to write it out all. I hope it gives you some idea of what my past was like, what made me become a Christian and now that I am a Christian what I want to do.
I started out writing my testimony. I wanted to write about my past as much as I could but it became complicated. So I thought I would start after my high school.
After my high school I wanted to come to America. The source of information about America was the media- American movies. Through movies I imagined America to be kind of a paradise- with all those luxuries and above all women. And also two of my good friends had already been to the US. To me then coming to America became an obsession. But how to come to America was a problem.
Having gone to St.Xavier's School which is run by Jesuits, I had a fairly good educational foundation. So coming to America as a college student might be an option. But you needed to show sufficient funds to cover your expenses while you are in the US unless you get a full scholarship. So I had a problem there as my family was in no state to support me.
I had applied to several colleges and Monmouth College had accepted me so I had decided to go there. The cost for a semester at Monmouth was $5000. Now how to get that much money. I thought of talking to the people at Youth Environmental Therapy/Educational Sponsorship in Asia(YET- ESA). This organization had helped me through out my high school. I asked them for $4000. I had also told them that I would pay back in about 2 years. This proposal was very unusual as they could sponsor a child for $50 a year. And $4000 would mean sponsoring 80 kids.But still I thought it would be okay like I always did. And they approved my proposal. I did not once thought about God. I just took it for granted like I always did.
Now there was a program through YMCA that people from Nepal could go to the US during summer to work as an international camp counselor. The co-ordinator for this summer camp was an uncle of my best friend. So I did not have problem being selected as one of the camp counselor. Getting a visa for such camp counselor was relatively easy. So I got my visa and thought to my self that I was so lucky.
Everything worked out all fine and I just took it for granted. I again thought that everything will just work out fine as it had been the case so far. Now I was getting ready to leave. I had the visa and $4000 for atleast a semester at school. I did not know what would do the second semester. But thought it would be okay. I did not have faith in God as I did not know him. But I had faith in something that assured me that everything would be okay.
So it was in June of 1998 that I left Nepal for US. I still remember that day at the airport when I was so happy to leave Nepal. I was thinking to myself that I was going to a paradise. Boarding on the plane gave me extreme sense of joy.
I landed at the JFK airport in New York. Little after I got in New York, I forgot why I was in America. I forgot the promise that I had made to the people at YET-ESA. But it did not bother me. I was slowly getting blinded by my own pleasure seeking mind.
My camp was in St. Paul, MN. I had a really good co-workers and a boss. I met one American friend and used to hang out with him a lot. I was not 21 but he was a regular at one of the bars so he just took me in. Smoking and drinking was not new to me. Life in the US was just starting.
Since I was in a day camp, I had a host family. They were really nice people. I used to spend much time with my new American friend. We would drink, smoke and just have a good time. I was just going with a flow. I was all about having fun.
Later that summer I wanted to go visit my friend from Nepal. And it really worked out fine again so that I could go see him. I spent about a week at his place. All the time I was there spent in drinking and having a good time. I even tripped on acid for the first time. It did not bother me at all. I was doing whatever felt good to me.
In no time the summer was over. It was time for me to go to my college. My host family bought me a train ticket to my college from St. Paul. After a long train ride via Chicago I got to Galesburg, IL about 15 miles away from Monmouth, IL. To my surprise, Monmouth was such a little town. But college was okay. I just felt like I was on a vacation more than I was there to study.
Days went by. I did not know what to do for the next semester as it was such a little town and getting a job was difficult. And I was on J-1 visa so I could not work on campus as well. Then the reality started to hit me. I did not know what to do for money. I had literally no any source of money.
Rev. Fannin was the chaplain in college. She was also my advisor. For some reason I thought about talking to her about my financial problem. I went to talk to her with the same face that I had put on while I talked to the people at YET-ESA. She gave me hope that things will work out. And I thought to myself that it would be okay like I always did. And all these times I was smoking and drinking without her knowledge.
Before the end of the semester, I was called by the Administration Offiice and was told that I did not have to worry about the finance for the next semester. I was also told that if I worked during the summer I had to contribute to the cost of my tuition. I left the office with a happy heart. I knew it was sort of a miracle but did not give that glory to God. Instead I took all the credit thinking it was me who made that happen. It was something exceptional that had happened but I again took it for granted. So I was again all set.
Winter Break 1998 was just about the corner. I decided to go to San Francisco, CA to visit another friend of mine. I took a grey hound all the way from Galeburg, IL to San Francisco, CA. I spent a whole month there. All the time was just about having fun. Drinking and cruising around in a car. I completely forgot about how my expense was being met.
I got back to Monmouth after a month. I put on a different face in front of Rev. Fannin. I thought she would not know anything that I did while I was in San Francisco.
Semester went by. Rev. Fannin used to have a weekly Monmouth Christian Fellowship meeting. I used to go there just because she was there. I used to go there on Wednesday but I always got drunk on weekends. It did not bother me at all. I was addicted to sinful life and was blinded.
Soon the semester was over and was time for summer. It was the summer of 1999. I went to Chicago with two of my friends. I lied my way to get a job through a temporary agency. It all worked out fine. I took the credit of making everything happen so smoothly. So we all got a job at a pretty good place. Since there was no school we spent time gettting drunk and bar-hopping and clubbing.
One night we went to one Nepalese brother's apartment fully drunk. He got shocked seeing us at that state. And he tried to advise me and warned me that we were in the US and not in Nepal. But I did not pay any attention to him instead laughed silently at him thinking that he does not know whats having fun is like.
The money earned during the summer was spent in various things and told my college that I had only $1600 left and that was all I made. No guilt conscious at all.
Fall of 1999 started. There was no change in me at all. I still went to the Monmouth Christian Fellowship on Wednesdays. I still smoked and got drunk. I still had that lust inside of me. And I still went to the classes and maintained a good grade.
Again the semester got done. And it was time for winter break. The Winter 1999. I again decided to go to San Francisco, CA. This time two other friends joined us in San Francisco. This time it was more wild than last winter. We would get drunk like every nights. We would just walk around the streets and just enjoy the moment. It was definitely a very good time.
After the short winter break I was back in school for the Spring 2000. Still there was no change in me but was only getting worse. Every year during spring the school takes students fot an alternative spring break in different parts of the country for community service work. I had gone last spring because Rev. Fannin was going with us. But this year she was not going and one of my friend was coming to Kansas City to his brother's place. So I decided to go visit him instead.
I got in Kansas City and met my friend after about 2 years. All the time we were there again got drunk and just spent talking. His brother had just graduated from college and was working. He tried to advise us and tried to tell us how hard was for him to finish school. He told us all about hard work but I did not listen to him as I thought I knew it all and was doing the right thing.
Soon the spring semester was over and was time for another summer. This was summer of 2000.I again decided to go to San Francisco. Again this time I lied my way to get a job through a temporary agency. I got a job at Bank of America. It was a very easy job and good paying. Like always I spent my money drinking, bar-hopping and clubbing.
At the bar there was a Christian philipino man. He invited me to come to the church. I asked him if there were girls at the church. And he said yes. So every Sundays I used to wake up early in spite of a hang-over. I even forced my friend to go with me. So we used to go to this Philipino Church. I did not pay attention to what the preacher was saying. My eyes were going around the room looking for pretty girls. So I made some friends at the church. But they did not know my intention of coming to the church.
Again the summer was over. This time I said I made $2200 to the college. And thats what I contributed. I did not feel guilty at all.
Fall 2000 started. Still I did not change. This time it was only getting worse. From alcohol and pot, I jumped to cocaine. I did not feel bad about anything. As long as I was having a good time, nothing mattered to me.
Later into the semester I was again called by the administration and notified that I no longer had the sponsor. I did not feel bad. I thought it would be okay again. I thought as I had come this far, things will be okay. I still had that blind faith, obviously not in God. I thought of transferring to University of Central Oklahoma where my friend used to go. I thought I would stay with him. So the whole semester got wild. I thought it was the last semester and just did not think about anything. Got more heavy into cocaine and alcohol.
And I got a acceptance letter from UCO for Spring 2001. So the semester got done pretty quick. Again the winter time came. And again I longed for the sunny California. This time there were 3 other friends with me. Having bade farewell to Monmouth and people there, four of us headed to San Francisco in a car. Winter of 2000 was starting. It was a long but exciting road-trip. This break was even more wild than the other two. Smoking heavily and drinking heavily. I was having the time of my life.
Soon I started to feel kind of weird. I begin to feel like we were in a movie and started to do stupid things. But then it felt like I was doing the right thing. I thought that I could do anything. I completely forgot where I was and did not even attempt to realize why I had come to the US. Forget about the promises that I had made to the people at the YET-ESA and Rev. Fannin.
One day I got in trouble at the bar and the police came to get me. After some questioning and keeping me in jail for sometime they transferred me to San Francisco General Hosptial's Psychiatric ward. Doctors there diagnosed me as being a Bi-Polar. They released me and again I was back in the hospital.
They were ready to send me home (Nepal) as I had been in and out of the hospital. And nobody wanted to take me in so I was almost sent back to Nepal. But it did not happen. I somehow convinced my friend in Oklahoma to take me in. By this time I was already late for the spring semester. He also hesitated. I convinced the nurse at the hospital that he was going to take me in. So I left in March, 2001 for Edmond, OK from San Francisco.
My friend came to pick me up at the Greyhound bus stop. Till then I thought everything was going to be okay. I was still in a dream-land. When I finally got to his apartment and after a little while the reality hit me. I saw how my friend was going school and working at the same time. And I remembered my school days getting drunk, getting high and missing classes. Here my friend was working so hard and going to school. This time it was different. It was as if the reality was there for ever. It was not like the other times. This time it was very different cause for the first time I thought about God. I realized that I was not the powerful one. I came to my senses that it was not me who was making things happen the way it had been in the past.I thought about God and realized His existence. I thought God finally got me and He was there to punish me. Twenty three years of my life came back to me in a flash and I stood there not knowing what to do. Till that moment I had never looked back and realized what I had been doing so far. Now I recalled the past years and could see clearly that each year it was getting worse but I did not just realize then. I had no excuse for what I had put myself into. Nothing was real to me but God. I just thought that God was not going to leave me alone. I just did not want to live. I had no hope and wished so badly to lose myself.
My friend noticed a change in me and kept on questioning about my intense psychological trauma. I did not know how to explain him what I was going through. I just literally would sit on the couch all day and just think about the way to kill myself. I had no energy to do anything.
My father and brother were in Australia and somehow found out that I was in Edmond at my friend's place. So I got a call from them. I did not know what to tell them. I did not want to talk to them. I was just felt that I was the disgrace of the world and did not have the courage to talk to them.
Days just passed by and I just felt I was just being a burden to my friend. I wanted to get away from him and all the people I knew. So on May 7th, 2001 I left Edmond telling my friend that I was going to Ocean City, MD to work for the summer. I bought a ticket to Ocean City. All along the bus ride was so painful. I was so much in guilt and just wanted to die.
I got in Baltimore but did not have the guts to go to Ocean City. I knew I would meet lots of people from Nepal there and I was embarrased to even see them. So I had to go somewhere else. I just picked New York City. I had gone to New York in summer of 1999 with some of my friends so I had a little idea about the city. I got in Port Authority Bus Terminal in New York around 1:40 am. I just stayed there not knowing what to do. I did not know where to go as I was running away from people I knew. Nothing was real to me except for God and His punishment.
Later on I found Central Park and that became my home. I slept in the park with other homeless people from Mexico. Couple of years ago I had come to the US thinking it to be the paradise and now I was in the park with other homeless people. It was just not real to me but thought I had to pay the price for my choice. This was summer of 2001 and in New York living in the street and the park. I used to get free foods from the church people who would come during certain time of the day to give away free foods.
I used to go to a nearby public library to check my email just to see what was going on. One day I got an email from my father who happened to be in New York and had come all the way from Australia to see me. I did not know what to do. I did not have the courage to come out and tell my father that I was living in the park. I just turned off the computer and left. I could not believe what was going on. My father left without seeing me.
Almost whole summer was gone and I thought about leaving New York. For some reason I thought police was after me. And all this time in New York I wanted to kill myself. I used to go to the subway station several times but never had the gut to jump off. There was something inside me that did not let me do that. That summer I knew all the streets in New York City and places they would give free foods and places where you could sleep without police hassling you.
While I was in the street and when the church people would come to give us foods they would also try to give us tracts telling us about forgiveness of sins. I would think to myself that I was such a sinner that would not be forgiven. So I did not take those tracts and also never talked to them.
So about the end of July I decided to get out of New York. But where to go I did not know. I wanted to go somewhere nobody would find me. As I had tried everyother way to kill myself in New York, I wanted to go somewhere and just starve to death. Then I thought of Cheyenne, WY. The reason was that I had gone through Cheyenne on my way to San Francisco. And only in Cheyenne the bus stops next to a highway. I thought I would get off in Cheyenne and walk away from the highway thinking I would get to some kind of jungle or atleast far away from humanity. So I got on the bus leaving New York for Cheyenne. I had no idea what I was doing. Though the living was so painful I could not kill myself. More I thought about the past the burden of guilt got heavier.
Finally I got off in Cheyenne and started walikng away from the highway. I used to sleep all day and walk all night. To my surprise I came across another highway. After walking for about 3 days I came to the border of Wyoming and Colorado. I found a bridge under I-25 and spent about 5 days there. There was no sign of dying and my mind was close to exploding with all the guilt that I had. Where to run now when the guilt was up there in my mind. How to run away from my own mind? I have no idea how I did not go insane. I wish I went crazy so that I would not have to live in reality but that did not happen either. Then I thought about the people in New York who came to me with the tracts and was telling me about the forgiveness of sins. I thought I would go back again to New York and see if that is really true. I had no choice so I decided to talk to those people.
I had about $10-15 left with me and decided to walk back. After walking about 5 miles I came to the flying-J truck stop in Cheyenne. In the truck stop there was a store and they sold Bibles. For some reason I decided to buy the Bible. I started reading it. It started to make sense to me. The thing that really hit me was the parable about the prodigal son. I felt as if it was written about me. But still I thought that now it was too late for me.
So I was at the truck stop trying to hitch a ride to New York. This was my first time hitch-hiking. Taking an advice from an expert hitch-hikers, I stood there with a sigh saying "EAST BOUND". This did not seem real to me at all. I had seen hitch-hikers before but now I was there with that sign.
So I did not get a straight ride but from one truck stop to another. Finally I got in Lincoln, NE. I was at Lincoln truckstop for about couple of days but had not got a ride. The employee at the truck stop was warning me that if I did not go away he had to call police on me. So 3 in the morning I was outside the truck stop looking for a ride. Then a US mail truck pulled over and a man got out. I ran to him and asked him to give me a ride as further east as he could. He did not say yes but said that he would think about it. But later he agreed to give me a ride as he was only going to Omaha. While we were riding I told him briefly why I was going to New York. He was a newly converted Christian. He told me to check out People' City Mission which he said was a Christian organization. SInce I was not going to New York to meet any particular person so I decided to do as he said.
He dropped me off at the People's City Mission. I tried to talk to the chaplain over there but they did not seem to understand me. Since they provided shelter and food I stayed there. I used to sleep the whole day. All the time I was there I still had that intense suicidal tendency. Every evening they used to have a chapel. And I used to go there. The preacher would preach about the same forgiveness message and would hit me right through my heart. But again I did not believe I would be forgiven. There were some other messages that really made sense to me and thought that only if I had heard it a year ago I would have changed myself. But again thought it was too late to change anything.
I wondered what I was doing while I was attending all those Monmouth Christian Fellowship and at that Philipino Church in San Francisco. Had I listened carefully then and had I took those words into my heart maybe I would not have to face this day. I still thought that it was too late for me now.
One day I built up some energy and decided to walk into the downtown Lincoln. As I was walking through the downtown, I came across University of Nebraska-Lincoln(UNL). I went inside and got on the internet. I learned about the Christian Student Fellowship(CSF) there. I went to the office of CSF. I met Dan the minister at UNL. I talked to him about what I had gone through. He told me that I had to forget the past and go from there. But I thought he was not understanding what I had been through and what I had done in the past.
I met him couple of times after that but still was not convinced that I was forgiven. One morning as I was walking I heard in a PA system calling for Jim at a nearby. company.Jim might have been an employee there. Then I suddenly thought about Br. Jim who used to be a guidance counselor back in my high school. Br. Jim had helped me both financially and psychologically during my high school. All this time I did not think about him and now suddenly I thought about him. He had come to the US 9 years ago.
I had got rid of everything as I was going from places to places. But I still had my wallet and in there I found his address. I did not know if he was still at the same address but had the strong feeling that I needed to go see him. He knew about YET-ESA and in fact he was one of the founders of that. I thought to myself that if Br. Jim could accept what I had done then anybody could. I just felt that I needed to go see him quick.
I told Dan that I was going to Columbus, OH to see Br. Jim. So Again I got on the bus to Columbus. It was about 23 hours bus ride. All through out the bus ride I just prayed to God as now if there was anybody who could help it would be God. I did not know what to do but to ask God for help. Finally I got to Columbus and by taking a local bus I got to his address.
Brother was happy to see me. It had been almost 10 years since the last time I had seen him. We went inside and I started to talk to him. I told him everything from my high school days. Brother just told me to calm down. I was thinking that brother would explode but instead he accepted me just the way I was. I could not believe what was going on. There was amazing Grace right there. God did not appear to me in person but certainly used brother to open my eyes. The song "amazing grace" kept going in my head. God did not appear like He did to Paul but it was indeed a very close encounter with God.
I stayed there for 3 days. All these days brother counseled me and made me think that I was not a "junk". I could not believe that it was happening to me. After 3 days brother came to see me off at the bus stop and was on my way to Lincoln. In those 3 days not even once brother told me that I had to become a Christian.
So I was again on the bus back to Lincoln. This time it was different. I was truely convinced that I was forgiven and received God's Grace firsthand. I did not know what to do again. I just asked God what He wanted me to do. There was nothing absolutely nothing that I could do in comparison to what God had done to me. I was so amazed by God's love. He gave me everything even though I did not know him and now He gave me which I cannot describe in words. I truely surrendered myself for His will. I was ready to do anything for my Lord.
I looked back in my days again. I remembered those days that I thought God was punishing me, but now I was sure those days were a blessing. I now knew how much my Lord loved me that he went out of his way to open my eyes, to have me see the light and have the life abundantly. I was living a life of a destruction but only he knew where I was heading. I was so blind that I would not see anything. He tried to open my eyes by doing light treatment but it did not work. Then He had to use a major surgery to open my eyes. And thats what He did. He did it cause He loved me so much. It again seemed like John Newton wrote that song "Amazing Grace" so that one day one person would sing it from his heart. It was just incredible to think that Jesus would die for a person like me. I just cannot describe in words how I felt the moment I was convinced that I was forgiven and came to know Jesus, our Lord.
In one thought I wanted to be a monk. I wanted to give up everything and just worship the Lord forever. But again I thought of doing whatever He asks me to do even if its giving up my life. It would be much nicer to be with Him now than be in this selfish world.
I got back in Lincoln and got baptized in river platt by Dan in September 30, 2001.
Then little after I became a Christian I got this VISION.
I started reading my Bible seriously. Being a Christian myself, I thought I am to take the words of the Bible as literal, after all they are God's words. So I began to look into the Bible. I was in the book of John and the verse " I am the way, the truth and the life nobody comes to the Father except through me." caught my eyes. I thought about the verse a lot. Then all the people I know and love dearly came to my mind. I thought about all of them and they not making it to Heaven with me bothered me a lot. Not only the people I know and those with good hearts but I thought about the whole world in general. The thought of all these people going into Hell for eternity was severely bothering to me. Imagine for eternity, its not a million or a billion but forever and ever and ever, going into punishment, that reality was just too harsh for me. I had a strong feeling that nobody should be put into that eternal condemnation. But being a Ch ristian, I had to swallow the bitter truth about the reality of Hell.
So I began to think about what I could do as a new Christian, full of excitement and fire. This was around December of last year. So I came to the conclusion that only way to have everybody go to Heaven was to win the whole world for Christ.
Then I came to know the different denominations in the Family. Well initially I thought you were either Christian or not. But that was not true. This different divisions in our Family also bothered me a lot. Again I thought about it a lot.
How can you tell other people when your family is divided in the first place? I began to ask this question to myself. Then I felt the need for the Unity of all these denominations. We all know that united we stand and we need to do that. Once we are united as a Family then we can impact rest of the world. Once we are united as a Family then it will be lot easier to tell other people. We need to get together as CHRISTIANS and practice what Jesus told us in the Bible that is to seek out the lost souls. We need to practice EXTREME CHRISTIANITY.
So I feel that strong calling from God that is to go out as a missionary to the Christian World itself. Go about into the Christian world itself preaching them about the need for Unity among us. Go about into the Christian world itself preaching them about what Christianity is like and insist them to practice Extreme Christianity. I have been thinking about it a lot but have not done yet. I dont know when the Holy Spirit will come upon me and just lead me to where I need to go.
This is how I got this VISION- Unity of the Body and eventually winning the whole world for Christ.
I was so excited about this vision. I just wanted to go around then trying to unite the Body of Christ. I just wanted to GO. But Dan, a friend and a minister told me to take some time training myself. I thought about it and agreed. And thought Bible College was an answer at that time. I had never been to the Bible College before. I was just excited that I was going to a Bible College.
So Last January, I came to Platte Valley Bible College with a Vision and a Mission to accomplish. Only when I got there I came to know that I was more wrong than right. To learn about God's words was part of the reason to come to a Bible College, more than that I expected I would have a community of brotherhood among the fellow students with whom I could share my vision and work as a team. But I did not find that at the Bible College I was in. For me it seemed more like a secular college.
I talked to God and asked Him about the vision that I had seen. There was no unity at such a small Bible College ( about 40 ) and all of them here as they say are Christians. I wondered about the vision of bringing unity in the whole world. It did seem impossible to me but still the desire did not go away. In spite of not seeing any unity at such a small scale, I was still excited about my vision, it was still there inside of me. I could still feel God telling me to be patient.
So the whole semester, due to my disappointment, I used to sleep most the time. I tried to talk to the student body but to no avail. They all had their own priorities and did not feel anybody was living the true "CHRISTIAN LIFE". But then I understood their situation. None of them had to go through an experience to come to know the Lord. They were raised in Chrisitian homes and they grew up knowing about Jesus. It was not any new life to them the life in CHRIST. There was no excitement or thrill being a Christian and the life of forgiveness and Grace.
The semester got done pretty quick and in no time it was summer. God willing, that summer I came to Ocean City, Maryland. All during summer I was so much on fire. I tried to reach out to the area churches. I went to a Bapstist church, a catholic church, a christian fellowship center. But soon the summer (2002) was over.
Now again I am back in school. I know things still are not going the way I want but I still have to same zeal that I had a year ago. I am still excited about my vision like I always was. And I know the vision is not going to die unless I die.
I am praying about it a lot. I talk to God a lot and ask Him to direct me what I need to do. And I have full faith in the Lord. I know He knows all of our hearts and provide our needs. So in His timing He is going to provide my needs and there will be UNITY if its His will and the whole world will worship our Lord, Jesus Christ. I always imagine that day. And just thinking about that day gives me JOY.
If you are still wondering, yes I am a dreamer. I am truely a dreamer. And dreamers are often misunderstood and told to come back to earth. I have met all kinds of people [even Christian Family], who ask me , "how you going to do it?" and say that I have a good vision, but....I do understand their hesitations but I got to be true to my heart. This dream of Christian Unity and winning the world for Christ constantly burns within me. I tell you if this dream is from God then it will happen but if this is my own imagination then we will find that out in due time. Till then I have to move forward and do what the Lord puts in my heart.
I think I will stop here as I still have much to say. But I will continue with my conversation as I get responses from you all. So that I can tell you about what I am involved at present.
There are various ways to contact me if you want. You can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If you use MSN messanger then my address is email@example.com. The best way to communicate is phone but its also the hardest way. So if any of you feel led by the Spirit then feel free to call me at 308 635 2191.
Looking forward to hearing from you one way or the other.
U all take care!
Will you all please join with me to pray for Christian Unity and to those who are lost...
By His Grace,
I Saw Jesus
Most of my life I had felt ignored by God.
As a child I had heard about the wrath of God,
and I thought of him as a stern man sitting on a throne in heaven. He was watching us intently, but not really feeling a lot of love towards us.
He was waiting for us to mess up and sin.
When we did, he would put a red check mark next to our name in his big book of life.
I often found myself counting up my sins, and wondering if I had enough check marks to go to hell yet.
Later as an adult I had grown to believe in a kinder and gentler God.
I had not been to church for many years, though I was a believer in Jesus, and I loved him.
Suddenly I felt like he was calling me to know him better.
I started reading other people's testimoneys of him, and also people's near death experiences. Some had actually gone to Heaven, and met him.
The more I read, the closer I felt to him.
I met a new friend who invited me to church.
I said, "Yes," anything that would draw me closer to him.
As I sat in church, the minister asked the question, "What is the mountain in your life?" He told us to take a few minutes to meditate about it.
I thought about things I had not been able to overcome in my life.
My biggest mountain was definitely the lack of forgiveness I felt for other peoplewho I thought had wronged me or hurt me in some way.
I could easily walk out of people's lives, and hold a grudge for twenty years, or for the rest of my life for that matter.
As I thought about these things, I felt a deep wrenching pain in my heart, even physical pain, as though my heart was being squeezed tight in my chest.
I bowed my head.
I knew what the bible says about forgiveness, and I thought, "Jesus is probably mad at me."
Still feeling the deep pain in my heart, I thought, "Look for the face of Jesus."
I had read that somewhere, but I didn't think I would literally see him.
If I did see him, I was sure he would come condemning me.
As I was thinking I should look for his face, I raised my eyes, and couldn't have been more surprised by what I actually saw.
It was Jesus! I saw his face! He was alive, and moving around.
He was right there in that room with me.
He had dark, shoulder length hair, and he was wearing a crown of thorns.
I just gazed up at him, and he was smiling at me with the most loving smile I have ever seen in my life!
The first thing I thought is that, he looks a little different than in his pictures, but only slightly different.
I felt no condemnation from him at all, and that greatly surprised me. I remembered hearing stories about a wrathful God.
Next I felt him sending me love, and there was compassion in the love.
It was an overwhelming kind of love that I was sure human beings aren't capable of.
I just kept gazing up at him, and I was in awe that he could love me that much.
The love gave me a feeling of bliss. I was totally absorbed by his love, to the point where I felt my heart could burst if I took in much more of it.
I have never experienced anything like it, and I'm sure that I never will as long as I'm on the Earth.
I just continued to gaze up at him, and he continued to smile at me. The look on his face was like I was the only person in the world that mattered to him. I'm sure he must look at each one of us that way.
Throughout the whole vision, he never once stopped smiling at me.
Next, I saw him sending beams of transparent, white light towards my heart.
I could feel the light penetrating my being.
The light was nothing but love and compassion.
I noticed things about his personality. He was very kind and loving, not condemning at all towards me.
I only felt a strong outpouring of love from him.
Next he began to communicate with me, but no words were used.
He communicated to me by sending me feelings, and there was knowledge in the feeling sthat I understood instantly and clearly as it was transferred into my mind.
He said that he already knew about it all, my lack of forgiveness towards others, how I had been hurt by others, and what circumstances in my life had made me feel that way.
He said, "I know everything about you."
That surprised me greatly, but I also felt comforted by it.
It meant that he had never been far from me like I always thought, but I had been constantly under his supervision like when our own children are small, and we never let them out of our eye sight.
Again, I could feel more compassion from him pouring out to me.
He spoke again. He said, "I feel your pain. I grieve with you."
He was like a loving parent who will pick you up when you are hurting, and hold you in the strong embrace of his loving arms.
He will comfort you, and wipe away every tear from your eyes.
After he had spent time comforting me, he spoke again. He told me not to worry or concern myself with these things because he would take care of it all.
I felt like a burden had been lifted, and I sensed the strength in him. He could easily carry my budens with no problem at all.
I was still looking at him, still surprised by some of the things that he said.
He still wore that loving smile on his face that could melt the heart of the worst, hardened sinner.
He was still sending me love, and it was to overflowing.
There was so much love that I felt like my heart couldn't hold it all.
Suddenly, I started to feel like I couldn't handle it anymore.
Seeing all of the goodness and purity in him, I felt like I may break down into tears and sobs.
I started to feel unworthy of his pure holiness.
He was clearly a soul that had evolved to the highest level of pure perfesction.
I became aware of even my smallest sins and imperfections.
I felt unworthy of him, and then I looked away.
When I looked back, he wasn't there any more, but I was left with a feeling of total awe.
Jesus had been there.
I had seen him.
I had felt him.
He had communicated with me,
and the one thing I was left knowing was that he loved me more than anyone had ever loved me in my life!
A few days later I thought about about how I had sat in church that day knowing I had sinned, and yet jesus blessed me with a vision.
He wasn't a cruel tyrant who had tried to break my will, but he had drawn me to him with love and compassion. He had restored in me my spirit for forgiving all in my life who had wronged me because love cancels out fear, anger, resentment, anger, and anything else that's negative in your life.
Later I read in the Bible, John 3:16:
For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, that who so ever believeth in him should not perish,but have everlasting life.
As I read even further it said:
For God sent not his son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through him might be saved.
He that believeth on him is not condemned, but he that believeth not is already condemned because he has not believed.
I had sought to know him with my whole heart and soul, and I had not been dissapointed.
I remembered that He had worn the crown of thorns in my vision.
I realize now, that they were meant to be symbolic, a reminder to me of how he loved us all enough to be lifted up, and crucified on the cross for the forgiveness of our sins.
The crown of thorns are a symbol of his love that he feels for each one of us.
He had truly shown me what forgiveness is.